dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
