Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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