we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
