can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
