I didn't shave. On purpose
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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