i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
