the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Randomize
