when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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