hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
