do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
