i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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