I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
