Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I need to align my fucking chakras
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
