Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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