I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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