I want to make a zoo with you.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
did you just send me my own nude
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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