I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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