you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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