I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
