he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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