Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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