I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
