Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
