After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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