If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
