I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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