We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
