I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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