He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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