You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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