1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He shit in the fireplace
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
