You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
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