There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
