Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
