i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
