this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
