that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
