Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
