I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
