Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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