these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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