I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
