when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
