from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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