How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
