I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
