I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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