what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
