no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
