I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
