I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
